Society scripts a specific life arc — get together, move in together, buy a house, get married, have children — and this session asked why, and what we lose when we follow it by default. We explored friendship, polyamory, solo living, and platonic co-housing as relationship forms that deserve to be named and taken seriously. The session closed on a key takeaway: this is not a competition, and no model is inherently better than another.
Materials
Main
- A short introductory article on the relationship escalator — what it is and why people step off it (article · Medium)
- A podcast on attachment and practical examples of life models by Jessica Fern, or/and an article on her work — what polyamory can teach us about secure attachment (podcast · Spotify or article · Greater Good)
- Another podcast on friendship — you could start with just the first 20 minutes, it gets slightly repetitive in the middle (podcast · Spotify · 20 min+)
Supplementary
- The viral article: is having a boyfriend embarrassing now? (article)
- A podcast on the relationship escalator in French: La princesse et l'escalator — Le Cœur sur la table (podcast · French)
- A short article on the financial cost of being single in Belgium (article · VRT)
Session structure
- What is the norm, according to you?
- Relationship escalator: get together → move in → buy → marry → children
- What would be possible in your own culture or upbringing?
- Which relationship forms have you experienced — now or in the past?
- Definitions (introduced by Dana)
- Metamour: the partner of your partner
- Polycule: a connected network of people in consensually non-monogamous relationships
- Nesting partner: the partner you live with
- Compersion: feeling joy for someone else's joy — being happy for your partner on a date with someone else
- Kitchen Table Polyamory: all partners get along well enough to share a meal
- Open relationship vs polyamory vs ethical non-monogamy: no fixed definitions — use what fits
- Romantic relationships
- Societal pressure to conform to normative relationships
- Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?
- Pressure from family, culture, class
- Friendship as a primary relationship
- Why does friendship get so little cultural status compared to romantic partnership?
- What would it look like to treat friendship as a primary commitment?
- Housing and community
- Do we really need a romantic partner to live with?
- Co-housing, intentional communities — only for people who never left their village, or a real option?
- What happens when you move countries? How do you build community?
- Takeaway
- It's not a vs question — no model is better than another
- What would you change in how we talk about relationships?
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